a little bit of background
in the past month, my check engine light has come on in my car.
every time this has happened…i have been on one of the busiest highways in my city (i think my american peeps call them freeways?)
there is nothing more stressful than not being able to feed gas to your car, while driving in the fast lane
all the while watching your car go slower and slower and slower
i was a panic attack away from a total melt down
my mechanic told me not to panic when the check engine light comes on
however – when i cannot accelerate on a highway – that causes me some serious concern.
i made an appt with the mechanic – and he had my car for FOUR days
and it was fine
it did nothing. they couldn’t find the problem
of course not! why would they??? that’s just the way my life goes.
enter today – just over a week of having my car back – it does the same thing.
battling a stupid cold for 2 weeks – i just felt defeated.
could my life suck any more?????
4 days into the new year and i am already thinking i am cursed.
last night – someone i never met – but fell in love with…died.
i never had the chance to meet her, but i know her cousin.
she was 31 years old and was battling a very rare form of cervical cancer. they said she wouldn’t make it to Christmas but she did.
gave her daughter one of the best christmas’s ever
31 years old – and she is gone.
i went to a fundraiser for her last month. they raised over 16 grand for her daughter.
everyone who won a prize – gave it back to the family.
i was changed that night
by a woman i never knew.
there is also a man – that i have never had the pleasure of meeting.
a great friend of LB’s
the reason i haven’t been able to meet him – is that he’s been too busy fighting for his life
beating one cancer to face another form of it – over and over for the past 2 years
he too is in his early 30′s.
he just found out his last round of treatment did not work
they have stopped all treatment
and now it’s just about quality of life.
if you want to read about his journey – which i really think you should
you can go here and sign up.
all you need is an email address and a password.
if you can tell me that you have met anyone more positive than him – i will give you money…because there is no way that you have
if you can read his journey and live through his passion and not end up in a puddle on the floor – you might just not be human.
to stare death in the face and scream at the top of your lungs – that you are going to win and giving the ol’ fuck you to cancer – when death is inevitable…is amazing
i am broken and embarrassed tonight.
i am alive – i have love and health and everything i could ever need
and there are people dying – literally dying to have my minor inconveniences
i was going to blog about how crappy things have been
but things have been amazing.
remember what’s important.
we are all dying – a little bit each day – each of us is dying.
just some are dying faster than others
when you think your day is bad
think about the 12 year old girl without her mom tonight.
and Scott – who is raising his middle finger to cancer.
thinking – one night without vomiting would be a treasure.
our problems are so tiny in the big scheme of things.
live your life – and love every beautiful, ugly, stressful moment
there are people out there begging to have that option
perspective is an amazing thing.