my sad happy heart

for the past 16 years, my best friend has emailed/back door called me (to get straight to voicemail) or texted me
at exactly midnight on my birthday

she said she always wanted to be the first one in the world to wish my a happy birthday.

i woke up this morning – and no text.

i didn’t think much of it.  we all get busy.  we all get older and the memory fails
besides i know she is in bed before 10.

she ended up texting me this morning – just saying she had been thinking about me alot these past 2 days
and was wondering how i was

we chatted a bit – and i realized…she has no idea it’s my birthday!!!!!

if you know my friend…no one is harder on her – than she is.
i kind of giggled to myself – imagining how she would react when she realized she forgot.

i couldn’t do that to her…and so when we were just about ready to say goodbye
i told her – “you can go ahead and wish me a happy birthday any time now”

lol

as predicted – she lost her little mind.

and i – was honestly not one bit bothered.

later on in the morning – probably my 20th text of the morning – she texted…”you taught me one of the greatest lessons in life…actions speak louder than words.  when you have a moment, come downstairs, so i can show you how much today means to me.  take your time, i’ll wait.  you are always worth waiting for”

she drove over 40 minutes, to come to my office – to give me my birthday hug.
she stayed no more than a minute and a half – just to hug me.

i love her.  i am so blessed to have her.

i felt very loved this year.  more so than any other year.  i am not sure why that is.  it just is.

i had a wonderful lunch with my bff at work and another coworker

i received flowers…

and i had a beautiful dinner with my lady.

followed by a very long over due catch up with said friend – and some wine.
ok – maybe more wine than i care to admit.

my life is good.  damn good.

now – that i have had time to settle in for the night…

the nagging thoughts in the back of my mind have taken over.

i feel a little sad – today would have been my godfather’s birthday too.  He’s been gone for 5 years come January.
i miss him all the time.
but today i miss him a little more.

my phone did not ring – no birthday wishes from my mom
not that i expected it – or wanted it.
i just wonder why it has reduced me to tears…
and has left me a little angry.

i can’t win for losing.

maybe in the back of my broken little heart
i thought maybe
maybe she loved me just enough to wish me that.

i guess i only let myself down
again

Posted by makingthegirl on December 18, 2012

http://makingthegirl.wordpress.com/2012/12/18/my-sad-happy-heart/